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Football
Moeller Still Struggling to Reconcile Assault Incident Even After Return to the Field
By Tony Gerdeman

On Tuesday, the Buckeyes practiced in full pads for the very first time this season. It's something that all football players look forward to, but it's safe to say that nobody was looking more forward to it than senior safety Tyler Moeller.

Tyler Moeller
Photo by Jim Davidson

After losing all of the 2009 season due to an extremely serious head injury stemming from an assault on July 26 of last year, Moeller was finally able to get back out on the field and attempt to regain control of his dream.

The path has been a long one. Forbidden from even jogging in the winter and from contact in the spring, Moeller has been given the green light this summer, and as you would expect, he came out on Tuesday with his foot on the gas, never bothering to offer a glance in the rear view mirror.

Even during a simple drill, Coach Paul Haynes had to tell him to “slow down”, but here really is no “slow” setting on the football field for Moeller. He's is all out, all day. He is exactly what you want in a football player.

As starting safety Jermale Hines put it on Tuesday, “Tyler Moeller is tailor-made for football. Period.”

And football was tailor-made for Moeller which is probably one of the reasons why the thought of losing his life—and also the ability to play football—from the assault is something that isn't easily ignored or forgotten by him.

“I try not to think about it too much,” he said, when asked if the incident is behind him. “I haven’t really even talked about the whole situation that happened with the team. I just try to act like it really didn’t happen. I’m trying to deal with forgiveness. And trying to deal with things like that. So there’s still little effects there with that.”

Considering the long physical road back that Moeller has walked, then jogged and finally run, the mental road back is even longer and still on-going.

“It’s been a roller coaster ride,” he admitted.

“I remember vividly the Iowa game when we got to kick the winning field goal. And I wanted to go out there and cheer and get around the team, and I couldn’t do that. I had to sit down. I got dizzy. It was bad. I wanted to play. I wanted to cheer on the team, and I couldn’t do any of that. I just had no personality out there. Just muted out there. I’d just kind of sit and watch. It was definitely a tough situation to be in.”

Now that he's made his way back to the field, however, there are happier things to think about. A self-described “overly-aggressive” player, Moeller is finally back where he belongs. His world is beginning to find its axis, and football is helping him to forget his lost year.

Forgiveness, however, is going to have to wait a while longer.

“I met with Greg Frey, he used to play here and he’s talked about forgiveness and how you really need to forgive someone to get past it,” Moeller explained.

“You know, I’m trying, but it’s really hard when a person does that and then tries to get out of it, and then comes after your character in court, hand on the Bible, everything, and says those things about you, and everyone believes that about me. I’m really blessed to be here right now. There was a 50% chance that I should’ve survived. And for him to do that and say those things, it’s tough to forgive someone like that.”

Especially when you can't convince yourself that the apology given to you is coming from the proper place to begin with.

“I truly believe that he’s only sorry that he got caught,” he revealed.

Yet Moeller is still trying to find forgiveness somewhere down inside. As he talked about it, you could see it in his eyes that these weren't just simple words to him., just as forgiveness is not some simple action. His life was almost taken, his sport was almost taken, and his reputation was almost taken.

All of them had to be regained in their own time. One by one. Step by step. Truth by truth.

Clearly, that will never be forgotten, nor easily forgiven.

Yet somehow he is trying, and football, if nothing else, will give him something else to think about in the meantime.

After a year away from the field, it is clear that Moeller couldn't be happier to be back. But it's also clear that he knows that there are still some things that will need to be worked on when the time comes.

Until then, however, he can once again occupy his mind and body with football.

Which should prove to be pretty easy given how long he's been away from it.

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