theOzone.net NEWS. 100 Headlines From The Upcoming 2011 College Football Season

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Last updated: 07/01/2011 10:46 AM
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Football
100 Headlines From The Upcoming 2011 College Football Season
By Tony Gerdeman

We are now almost two months away from the start of the
college football season. That may sound like it's right around the corner, but we are still ten Saturdays away from the first weekend.

Because nobody likes to wait, I thought I'd do everybody a favor and give you some snapshots of how the season is going to transpire. This will hopefully give you a broader spectrum on the happenings-to-be this season and should aid you in your enjoyment of the greatest sport ever invented.

So with that in mind, here are 100 college football headlines that will find their way in your Twitter feed, newspapers, websites, television scrolls, and text alerts. Enjoy.


1. Rich Rodriguez Vows To Find 'Real Killer' Of Michigan Football; Resumes Golfing

2. 17 Arrested, 3 Dead at Bielema's Self-Described 'Best Bachelor Party Ever!'

3. Cam Newton Statue Unaware It Was Ever Commissioned

4. TCU Strips Copper Piping On Way Out Of MWC

5. Houston's Case Keenum Hopeful He Won't Wreck Fantasy Teams For Second Consecutive Year

6. New Illinois AD Gives Zook Vote of Meh

7. Fiesta Bowl: 'I am Sooooo Wasted!'

8. LSU Statue Of Les Miles Also Mulches

9. Garcia To Spurrier: 'Tastes Great...'; Spurrier To Garcia: 'You're Suspended...Until Saturday.'

10. Paterno Refuses To Name Starting Quarterback Until Somebody Hands Him A Roster With Phonetic Spelling

11. Jerry Kill Grows Back Mustache, Charm

12. Today's College Football Players Lament Lack Of Father Figure To Broker Secret Deals

13. Report: Bearcats Once Again Enjoying The Squalor

14. Michigan Linebackers Excited To Finally Learn About Defense, Linebacking

15. Butch Davis Happy To Be Back To Counting Suspensions On Just One Hand

16. Florida RB Picks Up Short-Yardage First Down, Gator Nation Stunned

17. Texas, Mack Brown Getting Used To Once Again Being Texas, Mack Brown

18. Pac 12 Tries To Return Colorado To Big XII, States Cousin 'Got Them The Same Thing'

19. Sooners Too Talented To Succumb To "Stoops Choke", Say Overconfident Players

20. Evil Michigan Secret Society Glad It Can Finally Stop Trying To Get Rich Rodriguez Fired

21. Auburn Uses 'We're Cool, Right?' Defense In Asking For Cam Newton Investigation To Be Dropped

22. Urban Meyer Spending More Time With Family...Via Skype

23. Boise State Finding Complete Ease Of MWC Reminiscent Of Complete Ease Of WAC

24. Randy Shannon's Little League Team Misses Playoffs But Has Zero Groundings

25. Longhorn Network Acquires Big XII Network; Cancels 'Dan Beebe's Auction Hunt'

26. Man Bores All With Own College Football Playoff Plan

27. OSU Hires Full-Time Tattoo Artist, 'Problem Solved' Says Gene Smith

28. Les Miles Tried To 'Find Out What Came After Zero' In Loss To Alabama

29. Hoke Restores Wolverines Back To Former Michigan Glory With 8-4 Season, Painful Bowl Loss

30. ESPN Launches New Channel "ESPN OSU" In Order To Get Back to Regular Programming On All Other Networks

31. Tommy Tuberville Accepts 2004 BCS Championship On Behalf of Absolutely Nobody

32. Nick Saban Releases Blues Album 'When There's No One Left To Cut'

33. Phil Fulmer Accepts Tennessee AD Job; Vows to Clean Up Alabama

34. Vanderbilt Still Playing Football Despite Inability To Play Football

35. NCAA Prez Emmert To Ohio State: 'Go Pick A Switch'

36. BCS Unfair, Say Losers

37. In Midst Of 4-4 Season With Unhappy Fans, Gene Chizik Calls Press Conference To Release Kraken; Auburn Fans Flood Streets To Repent, Roll Kraken

38. Bill Stewart Spends Retirement Rocking On Porch, Sipping Tea, Saying 'Yep' Every Now And Again

39. Lane Kiffin's Love Of Squirrel Meat Remains Only Proof He Ever Lived In Tennessee

40. Music City Bowl Halftime Show Featuring Whitney Houston And Bobby Brown Elicits Record Twitter Snark

41. Gator Receivers Unclear On Purpose Of Route Running

42. Stanford Beats Cal, Hundreds Moderately Bummed

43. ESPN Bans Colt McCoy's Wife From Appearing On All Networks

44. ESPN The Magazine Puts Newbery Award Winner On Cam Newton Case

45. Heisman Front-Runner Bauserman Creates Stir With Ben Roethlisberger Eye Black

46. Notre Dame Tops Michigan 42-35 In Greatest Game Ever; Michael Floyd Immediately Hands Over Car Keys To First Person He Sees

47. BYU Enjoying New-Found Independence, Though Still Brings Laundry Home When Visiting MWC

48. Weis To Muschamp: 'It's Still Just Nine Wins For A BCS Berth, Right?'

49. Notre Dame's Dayne Crist In QB Battle With Some Other White Dudes

50. Brady Hoke's BBQ Sauce Finally Hits Stores

51. Hurricanes Ready For Season After Secret Wayans Summit

52. Andrew Luck Says No To NFL, Yes To 7-5

53. McGloin Throws Costly Interception In Nittany Lion Loss (Not A Repeat From Last Three Weeks)

54. No Longer AAU Member, Nebraska Joins "Good Enough In Science And Stuff Coalition" Popular Among SEC Teams

55. In "Longest Offseason Ever", Buckeye Fans Shocked, Depressed To Learn It Is Still Only July

56. Sun Belt Signs Lucrative TV Deal To Stay Off TV

57. SEC Hardens Stance On Oversigning Citing Coaches' "Uncontrollable Urge To Cut Players"

58. Taylor Martinez Maturing, No Longer Spends Halftime Playing Legos, Pulling Pigtails

59. Michigan Lands Their Tallest Recruiting Class In Four Years

60. Ohio State Football Player Buys Car, Nation Outraged

61. Holgorsen's 'Ocean's 14' Screenplay Is A Go

62. Pac 10 Now Officially Pac 12, Nation Unaware

63. On Whim, Villanova Joins Big East Football, Wins Conference By Three Games

64. Arizona State Fan Could've Sworn Dennis Erickson Was Fired A Couple Of Years Ago

65. Frat News: Cotton Bowl Pledges BCS, Hears Parties Are Awesome

66. Reputed Raffle Rigger Embroiled In Bingo Bust

67. Bama Defeats Auburn 31-17; Chizik: 'Toomer's Corner Trees Died In Vain'

68. Saban Signs Starting Sophomore QB To Two-Year Scholarship Extension

69. Oregon Pays $25,000 for $25

70. Ray Small: 'I Misquoted Myself'

71. Big East Wants To Add Four More Teams, 'It Doesn't Really Matter Which Four' Says Commish

72. Stanford Tree (Alcohol) Poisoned

73. Tuberville To Heisman Trust: "I'll Take Reggie's Heisman"

74. College Football Too Violent, Say Pansies

75. Ducks Manhandled In BCS Yet Again, ESPN Forgives Them

76. Texas Shoves Iowa State Into Locker, Takes Bowl Money

77. Razorback Dropsies 'A Thing of the Pass'

78. Chip Kelly Can't Stop Talking About 'This New Show Called "LOST"'

79. Paul Johnson Becoming Less And Less Of A Genius

80. Pac 12 Talking To Google, Apple; SEC Talking To The Sides Of Old Barns

81. Hoke Runs Out Of Gas In Ohio, Pushes Car To Michigan State Line; Car Immediately Stripped By Ruffians

82. Butch Davis Thankful For Media's Lack Of Interest

83. Denard Robinson Wins September Heisman, Puts It With His Other One

84. Notre Dame Points To Increase In Licensed Coin Purse Sales As Proof Of Relevance

85. Hokies Looking Forward To Season, Excited To Learn When Annual Collapse Will Happen

86. Heisman Trust Asks Newton To Return Trophy; Newton "I Am Not Aware Of Any Trophy?"

87. Bobby Bowden Admits He Thought '20-Hour Rule' Was For Coaches, Not Players

88. Urban Meyer Takes Job at Eastern Michigan in Mid-Season; Meyer: "To Hell With My Kids, I Can't Stand Mark May."

89. Michigan Football Players Able To Wear Varsity Jackets Again!

90. Pac 12 Almost Sells A Game Out!

91. ACC Championship Game Attended Mostly On Purpose

92. Jacory Harris Vows To Cut Down On Interceptions, Unattainable Vows

93. Dr. Lou Busted For Providing Illegal Prescriptions

94. Texas A&M Primed For Spectacular Flop

95. Boise State Defeats Georgia, Broncos' Conference Schedule Immediately Validated

96. Russell Wilson Makes Badgers Favorites To Have Locker Room Issues

97. John L. Smith To Dana Holgorsen: "I Want My Shtick Back"

98. Tressel Pays $250K Fine Via Wink And Nod

99. Pitt Fires QB Coach Mackey Sasser

100. Joe Paterno Says He Was Unable To Take Call From Robert Bolden Because He Was At Ethel Merman Concert


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