Maize of Lies

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Last updated: 04/25/2012 11:17 PM
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Maize of Lies — Michigan's Dirty Little Secret Finally Rises
By Tony Gerdeman

Everything that you thought you knew about the "Maize and Blue" is officially a lie, and has been for years.

Only now, through information gathered during a three-hour The-Ozone investigation Wednesday after supper spanning both Google AND Twitter, do we see just how outright and bold this lie is.

Uniple sources made The-Ozone aware Wednesday evening of one of the great deceptions in modern American sports—the University of Michigan's beloved color of "Maize" is, in fact, called "Sun", and not "Maize".

A July 18, 2010 piece appearing in The Michigan Daily, which is the University of Michigan student newspaper, details the deception, which began in 2007 when the athletic department signed an apparel deal with Adidas, thus ending their relationship with Nike.

"Nike also copyrighted the color 'Maize,' so Adidas actually had to make a new version of our school color, now known as 'Sun'..."

That's right. "Sun".

How they have managed to keep this kraken of deceit a secret for so long is a testament to their will, as well as their duplicitousness.

How can the University of Michigan continue to call itself the "Maize and Blue" when the very company making their apparel calls Michigan's yellow hue "Sun"?

It's almost as sad as a husband who "leaves for work every day" to keep up appearances with his wife even though he was fired from his job months earlier.

How Deep It Went

The-Ozone's investigation reveals a five-year pattern of half-truths and deceptions, spanning two athletic directors and three head coaches.

According to sources who didn't want to be named for fear of retribution from the University's "Colorati", the lying doesn't just stop with the administration. Hundreds of athletes and thousands of students are also indelibly tied to this lie with no desire to break their own personal "UMerta".

It is one thing to accept a lie, it is another to revel in it and even market it as this University has. Since when is it okay to embrace a lie? Is that what is being taught at the University of Michigan these days?

Not only is the athletic department neck-deep in this fallacy, but so is the student body and apparently the faculty as well. It is a "diag of dependence", with each liar depending on the other to keep up the ruse.

While it's disgusting, their ability to stick to the deception without fail is simply remarkable. The person who programmed these automatons should be given the Nobel Prize in Scientific Achievement.

And then thrown in prison.

Will Ann Arbor Discover Trouble?

Despite our three-hour investigation, we were unable to find a single representative from Adidas or Nike who would speak with us. The same goes for officials from the University of Michigan.

Granted, it would have helped had we contacted any of the three, but sometimes during an investigation we're not able to "investigate" every little detail.

Still, if Michigan continues to falsely call "sun" "maize", then you have to wonder how much longer Nike will tolerate it. While we have had no sources tell us that Nike is upset with Adidas and Michigan, we have also had no sources tell us that they aren't.

The University of Michigan Needs to Unwrap Its Present

It's time to stop living in the past, Michigan. It's time to start waking up to the present.

Make today a new morning. A new "sun" rise, if you will.

It's time to ditch the "maize", since it's not even the color that you are wearing anymore. Adidas gave you $60 million for a reason, and it's time to embrace your prodigal "sun".

Sure, it's terrible now, but "The Sun and Blue" will eventually have a ring to it. Hell, "The Maize and Blue" was equally terrible in its infancy, and through its adolescence, and then of course on into adulthood, but we got used to it, didn't we?

Give sun a chance. Maybe try it in a new fight song.

"The Ol' Sun and Blue"

Trollying forward, man prancers we
Proudly running, a galloping few
We try our best, a failing quest
Because we are the Sun and the Blue

And just repeat that like six times. My guess is that you'll get used to it pretty quickly.

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