A Quick and Irreverent Look at the 2012-2013 Bowl Lineup
By Tony Gerdeman
Here it is, your quick and neat college football bowl guide. Go ahead and print it out and staple it to your living room wall so that the rest of your family will know when their television privileges do not matter.
Saturday, December 15 2012
GILDAN NEW MEXICO BOWL (1:00 PM ESPN)
Nevada (7-5, 4-4) vs Arizona (7-5, 4-5)
This looks like it could be the highest-scoring game of the bowl season, and we only have to wait two weeks for it. Things could be worse – unless Matt Millen is doing the game, then things couldn't be worse.
FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO BOWL (4:30 PM ESPN)
Toledo (9-3, 6-2) vs #22 Utah St (10-2, 6-0)
This looks like it could be the highest-scoring game of the bowl season, and we only have to wait two weeks for it. Things could be worse – you could have to watch this game from the stadium.
Thursday, December 20 2012
POINSETTIA BOWL (8:00 PM ET ESPN)
BYU (7-5, 2-4) vs San Diego State (9-3, 7-1)
No way Ty Detmer will be able to outscore Marshall Faulk this year!
Friday, December 21 2012
BEEF 'O' BRADY'S BOWL (7:30 PM ET ESPN)
UCF (9-4, 7-1) vs Ball State (9-3, 6-2)
This is one of those games that's much better suited for a Tuesday afternoon than a Friday evening. And no television.
Saturday, December 22 2012
NEW ORLEANS BOWL (12:00 PM ET ESPN )
East Carolina (8-4, 7-1) vs LA-Lafayette (8-4, 6-2)
I'll be honest, I haven't been reading my Louisiana-Lafayette newsletter. It's on my list. Right behind the Yellow Pages and the printed out .pdf of nutritional information of McDonald's. I can't really give you any insight on this game. Too bad this isn't the Aaron A. Aaronson Bowl.
MAACO BOWL LAS VEGAS (3:30 PM ET ESPN)
Washington (7-5, 5-4) vs #19 Boise St (10-2, 7-1)
Boise State laid the groundwork for Northern Illinois' BCS bowl berth. Much in the same way vomit laid the groundwork for your headache.
Monday, December 24 2012
SHERATON HAWAII BOWL (8:00 PM ET ESPN)
Fresno St (9-3, 7-1) vs SMU (6-6, 5-3)
This game doesn't do much for me, but it looks great on you.
Wednesday, December 26 2012
LITTLE CAESARS BOWL (7:30 PM ET ESPN)
Western Kentucky (7-5, 4-4) vs Central Michigan (6-6, 4-4)
If any game could be the football equivalent of Little Caesars pizza, this would be it.
Thursday, December 27 2012
MILITARY BOWL (3:00 PM ET ESPN)
#24 San Jose State (10-2, 5-1) vs Bowling Green (8-4, 6-2)
Bowling Green will represent Northwest Ohio in the best way they know how – by blasting Bon Jovi in their car with the windows down.
BELK BOWL (6:30 PM ET ESPN)
Cincinnati (9-3, 5-2) vs Duke (6-6, 3-5)
Cincinnati will represent Southwest Ohio in the best way they know how – by rooting for the University of Kentucky basketball game.
HOLIDAY BOWL (9:45 PM ET ESPN)
Baylor (7-5, 4-5) vs #17 UCLA (9-4, 6-3)
Finally, entertainment. There is going to be a ton of scoring in this game. It's too bad it's a school night for you.
Friday, December 28 2012
INDEPENDENCE BOWL (2:00 PM ET ESPN)
Ohio (8-4, 4-4) vs Louisiana-Monroe (8-4, 6-2)
This is Ohio's chance to salvage their season. Yes, it's possible to salvage your season with a win over Louisiana-Monroe...when you're Ohio.
RUSSELL ATHLETIC BOWL (5:30 PM ET ESPN)
Rutgers (9-3, 5-2) vs Virginia Tech (6-6, 4-4)
Rutgers will undoubtedly want to impress the Big Ten with a huge win over a storied program like Virginia Tech. Just don't tell them that they're already rich beyond their wildest New Jersey dreams.
MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL (9:00 PM ET ESPN)
Minnesota (6-6, 2-6) vs Texas Tech (7-5, 4-5)
Glen Mason got fired for losing to Texas Tech. Maybe Gophers fans should root for the Red Raiders in this one.
Saturday, December 29 2012
ARMED FORCES BOWL (11:45 AM ET ESPN)
Rice (6-6, 4-4) vs Air Force (6-6, 5-3)
This isn't the way I would recommend that most Saturdays should start. But since neither of these teams find defense to their liking, it should be high scoring.
NEW ERA PINSTRIPE BOWL (3:15 PM ET ESPN)
West Virginia (7-5, 4-5) vs Syracuse (7-5, 5-2)
This is what you get for tanking the season, West Virginia. You get to play Syracuse in a bowl game in freezing Yankee Stadium. That'll learn ya.
KRAFT FIGHT HUNGER BOWL (4:00 PM ET ESPN2)
Navy (7-4) vs Arizona State (7-5, 5-4)
I will be fighting hunger all Saturday long. I plan to win, repeatedly.
VALERO ALAMO BOWL (6:45 PM ET ESPN)
#23 Texas (8-4, 5-4) vs #13 Oregon St (9-3, 6-3)
Hard to imagine that Texas will be able to focus on this game. I assume they'll be completely entranced by the wonders of San Antonio.
BUFFALO WILD WINGS BOWL (10:15 PM ET ESPN)
TCU (7-5, 4-5) vs Michigan St (6-6, 3-5)
Two defensive programs battling eachother for a momentous win in whatever this bowl used to be called.
Monday, December 31 2012
MUSIC CITY BOWL (12:00 PM ET ESPN)
NC State (7-5, 4-4) vs Vanderbilt (8-4, 5-3)
North Carolina State will play in this game without the head coach that got them here. He should at least have to suffer along with them.
HYUNDAI SUN BOWL (2:00 PM ET CBS)
USC (7-5, 5-4) vs Georgia Tech (6-7, 5-3)
The Hyundai Sun Bowl. Could be worse, could be the Sunday Hun Bowl.
AUTOZONE LIBERTY BOWL (3:30 PM ET ESPN)
Iowa St (6-6, 3-6) vs Tulsa (10-3, 7-1)
Fun fact: Woody Guthrie's “Talking Dust Bowl Blues” was written after watching Iowa State play Tulsa one year.
CHICK-FIL-A BOWL (7:30 PM ET ESPN)
#8 LSU (10-2, 6-2) vs #14 Clemson (10-2, 7-1)
Wouldn't it be nice if Clemson's OMG offense treated LSU's OMG defense the same way Texas A&M's treated Alabama's?
Tuesday, January 1 2013
GATOR BOWL (12:00 PM ET ESPN2)
Miss. St (8-4, 4-4) vs #20 Northwestern (9-3, 5-3)
People are already lamenting Northwestern's loss. Or at least they would if anybody actually ever lamented a Northwestern loss.
HEART OF DALLAS BOWL (12:00 PM ET ESPNU)
Purdue (6-6, 3-5) vs Oklahoma St (7-5, 5-4)
The Boilermakers don't have a head coach, which might actually be a plus in this game.
OUTBACK BOWL (1:00 PM ET ESPN)
#10 South Carolina (10-2, 6-2) vs #18 Michigan (8-4, 6-2)
This might look daunting for the Wolverines, but with over a month to prepare, Al Borges will have his offense ready. What? Stop laughing. He will have them ready. I mean it! Stop laughing!!
CAPITAL ONE BOWL (1:00 PM ET ABC)
#7 Georgia (11-2, 7-1) vs #16 Nebraska (10-3, 7-1)
I fear for what may happen to Nebraska's run defense. Wisconsin has a good running game, but they don't have a nickname for their running backs like Georgia. Nicknames mean you are awesome, unless they are about your hair.
ROSE BOWL (5:00 PM ET ESPN)
Wisconsin (8-5, 4-4) vs #6 Stanford (11-2, 8-1)
I might be the only person outside of Wisconsin who thinks the Badgers have a very good shot in this game. Especially now that I have dubbed Badger running backs Montee Ball, James White and Melvin Gordon with the nickname “Ballvin Gordite”.
DISCOVER ORANGE BOWL (8:30 PM ET ESPN)
#15 Northern Illinois (12-1, 8-0) vs #12 Florida St. (11-2, 7-1)
You wanted it, now I'm gonna make you sit down and watch every second of this game. I'll teach you to start smoking!
Wednesday, January 2 2013
ALLSTATE SUGAR BOWL (8:30 PM ET ESPN)
#21 Louisville (10-2, 5-2) vs #3 Florida (11-1, 7-1)
I'm excited for this game because it's the only thing on. I won't be excited about it for long, though Florida's offense is so bad that Louisville may be able to make it a contest.
Thursday, January 3 2013
TOSTITOS FIESTA BOWL (8:30 PM ET ESPN)
#4 Oregon (11-1, 8-1) vs #5 Kansas State (11-1, 8-1)
I'm looking forward to seeing if a Big XII defense can stop an Oregon offense. I'm also looking forward to watching a horse fight a grizzly bear one day.
Friday, January 4 2013
AT&T COTTON BOWL (8:00 PM ET FOX)
#9 Texas A&M (10-2, 6-2) vs #11 Oklahoma (10-2, 8-1)
Is this the most Cotton Bowl of Cotton Bowls ever? The only thing that could make it Cotton Bowlier is if Texas and Arkansas had a square dance at halftime.
Saturday, January 5 2013
BBVA COMPASS BOWL (1:00 PM ET ESPN)
Pittsburgh (6-6, 3-4) vs Ole Miss (6-6, 3-5)
If there's one January bowl game that you can't miss, it would never, ever, ever be this one. I wouldn't even be surprised if some of the players miss it just because they forgot. "Hey, was today our bowl game?"
Sunday, January 6 2013
GODADDY.com BOWL (9:00 PM ET ESPN)
#25 Kent St (11-2, 8-0) vs Arkansas St (9-3, 7-1)
I'm actually looking forward to this game. There are some interesting offenses in this game, plus it's the second-to-last game of the year. You better enjoy it while we still have it.
Monday, January 7 2013
BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP (8:30 PM ET ESPN)
#2 Alabama (12-1, 7-1) vs #1 Notre Dame (12-0, 7-0)
Now that Notre Dame's return to glory is finally complete, they can now begin to regress and once again take another 20-year path back to glory.
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