Jumping on the Urban Meyer - Aaron Hernandez Bandwagon While There Is Still Time Before Something Of Actual Newsworthiness Happens
By Tony Gerdeman
Like many other sportswriters who have to write about sports and rely on the clicks of internet readers, I too have some very strong thoughts on things that will make people want to click on a link.
I do want to warn you, however, that sometimes these strong thoughts – or "sports takes" – can sometimes be red hot. If you care to continue, just realize that you have been warned. There is no first aid for the thought blisters that I am about to give your brain.
My takes on the Aaron Hernandez situation and Urban Meyer's responsibility would be one such instance of cranial sizzle.
Granted, I have been a little slow on the uptake regarding how intense this topic is, but after seeing so many other writers getting their click on, I have no choice but to also point fingers and draw conclusions that will invariably make one half of an audience noddily agree in wholeheartedness, and the other half blind with the poisoned hate of common sense.
I don't want to sound disconnected or above it all, but I sometimes think that arrests and death happen just so there is something to write about during the offseason. After all, what else would there be for people to click on? Less-exciting news? Sorry, but nobody clicks on that crap. And tear-jerking stories take too much time to write. Do you realize how many people you have to talk to for something like that? At least two! No thanks.
Which is why I am choosing to write about Aaron Hernandez and Urban Meyer right now. Look, I've had a busy weekend. I spent all day Saturday at King's Island and right now I'm tired. I don't want to talk to anybody about a story, or see anybody about something that I'm going to have to record and then transcribe.
This is my Sunday of rest. People are waiting for emails from me right now, and I'll get to them, but first I have to crank out a sports take that is so solid it has to be broken down into a fine powder and then added to water in order to be ingested.
Like others, I believe that hot sports takes shouldn't wait. There is no such thing as a "room temperature" sports take that will get clicks. The good thing for me, however, is that this Hernandez situation is still in the news, so my takes will be as white hot as everyone else's.
And my takes will be unapologetic, because an apology is an admission of weakness; and apologies get, like, zero clicks.
Besides, I'll have other searing sports takes for you soon, so even if this current take isn't the best, I'll probably be able to do a better job with something else next time.
And who knows, if things get bad enough, I may even try to write a piece where I portray myself as a victim for the grief that I've taken from those of you who can't handle what I am telling you about this Hernandez and Meyer connection.
Basically, not everybody can handle what I'm telling them, and there's a 50% chance that you are one of those people.
Look, I'm not saying Urban Meyer is a bad guy, but if the hot sports take fits...
As a sportswriter, I can't just sit idly by and let others pound out their own hot sports takes and not do the same. Those clicks could be mine! And this Hernandez situation is no different. I'm not going to not be involved. That's like asking a Californian to not be involved in the Gold Rush when it was just down his block. Of course he's going to get involved!
Writing about Aaron Hernandez and Urban Meyer is the surest bet a guy like me can come up with right now, and the best part is that I don't have to put too much thought into it. I just type and type, and eventually I've got something that people will either love or hate, and I don't really care which. As long as you click, that's all that matters.
After all, it's not my fault if you don't like what I am writing. It's not my job to make you like me. It's my job to make you click me.
Besides, if I don't do it, someone else will.
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