Buckeye Basketball Completely Hosed By Selection Committee Once Again (satire)



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Last updated: 03/17/2014 1:15 AM
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Men's Basketball
Buckeye Basketball Completely Hosed By Selection Committee Once Again
By Tony Gerdeman

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Selection Sunday has come and gone and once again the Ohio State Buckeyes have been done absolutely zero favors by the men in suits who are supposed to keep everything as fair and balanced as possible.

Instead of everybody getting a fighting chance, what we got was a bracket designed for the sole purpose of keeping Ohio State from reaching the Final Four.

Seemingly, their only concern throughout this 68-team process was keeping OSU down. Their one shining moment every year happens when Ohio State gets cheated out of a Tournament win somehow.

Their bias shows through like giant cold sores on an uncomfortably amorous woman who is trying to kiss you hello.

What are these uptight decision-ogres afraid of, anyway?

Oh, that's right, they're afraid of the Buckeyes winning a national championship right in their stinking faces!

They say justice is blind, and that may be, but injustice has 20/20 vision and it stares you down like a cat holding a grudge.

Ohio State fans are too classy to say it, so I'll say it for them right now -- the Selection Committee has hosed the Buckeyes once again because they hate Ohio State.

It happens every year. 

If you ask me, Ohio State should maybe think about leaving the NCAA and starting their own tournament. The Big Ten Network could air it, except they'd be too busy showing last year's Tournament game against Wichita State because they hate Ohio State too!

If nothing else, I'm sure Gene Smith could get the tournament aired on YouTube.

At what point will this coordinated attack plan by the Selection Committee start to hurt recruiting? How much longer will Thad Matta and Ohio State sit by while the committee sends the college basketball version of mob hitmen after the Buckeyes?

Where does it say in the Constitution that Ohio State always has to play against teams that are better than they are when they're not a 1-seed? I've read the Constitution, and there's nothing about it in there. 

Sure, there's a little something about taking more 10-seeds than 7-seeds, but James Monroe didn't write anything about Ohio State and the unethical hose-job that they receive every single year.

I've been an American for all of my life, and when I think about what our forefathers went through to get us to this point, I shed the occasional tear.

But then when I think of the ridiculous dishonesty that has seized control of our college basketball decision makers, I take my finger, place it upon that solitary tear, and cram it back up into my tear duct, because those men do not deserve one single salty drop of my liquid essence.

I shake my head at the lengths that those in power will go to just to make sure that one fanbase lives in a constant state of paranoia.

I don't want you to think that I'm surprised by what has happened here, because I'm not. I expected this. You should have expected it as well.

There was no way the Selection Committee was ever going to allow Ohio State to win a national championship as a 6-seed. They would have been made to look like the incompetent imbeciles that they are.

No team deserves the bracket that the Buckeyes received. Even back when Michigan was cheating with every inhale and exhale in and out of their lungs, they still didn't deserve a rogering like Ohio State has gotten with this draw.

It's just too bad that yet another March Madness has to be ruined by the Selection Committee purposely creating an unwinnable bracket in Ohio State's region.

Whatever happened to just letting the so-called chips fall where they might?

Why must each step of this tournament be orchestrated like some elaborate fight scene?

What is wrong with just letting the best team win once in a while?

Don't get me wrong, I'll still watch the Tournament. After all, if we turn a blind eye to the corruption and ignore it, then that's the same as accepting it. 

It's just too bad the Committee will remain undefeated yet again, while Ohio State will only go as far as the refs let them.

And all of this just to keep a 6-seed from winning a national championship. Unbelievable.


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