“Hello President Gee, this is Gallagher, the world famous watermelon-smashing comedian and I have an idea for Family Reunion Facilities at the OSU Stadium.”
You know those videos that you find on the internet that have no business resembling a realistic creation? Whether it be the scenario, the people, or even the image alone, you know that this is a thing that shouldn’t exist?
Well, what if I told you that there is a YouTube video so bizarre, so out of place, that it would make you question the very possibilities that this earth has to offer?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “Buck-I-Guy vs. Gallagher” rivalry.
This two-part YouTube video from the Scott Spears Show totaling about 45 minutes goes through many amazing twists and turns as Ohio State superfan Buck-I-Guy argues with world-famous watermelon-smashing comedian Gallagher over politics, being a phony, family reunion facilities inside Ohio Stadium bathrooms, and political biker gangs.
The discussion is also accompanied by the very mean-spirited insults dished out by the melon-smashing comic, such as referring to the cowboy-hat-wearing Ohio State fan as a “communist” and “un-American.”
While the video is goofy in its own right, it is actually kind of fascinating to see this infamous OSU Superfan get called out by an embattled comedian. Without any further ado, here is “The Untold History of the Buck-I-Guy, Gallagher Rivalry.”
“TAKE A POINT! BE A PERSON! TAKE OFF YOUR WHITE HAT… WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID? THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE YOUR HAT AND CAPE AWAY!?!?!” — Gallagher
When one’s job is to talk sports, but instead they want to discuss politics, someone generally asks that person to “stick to sports.” That phrase has become a common insult to those who want to stray away from the world of sports and speak about political issues, especially during this turbulent time in America.
In the conversation above, it’s safe to say that Buck-I-Guy tried to stick to sports, but Gallagher was having none of it.
This interview was done during the 2012 Presidential Campaign, so everyone’s favorite “Melon-Smashing Comic” was eager to talk about politics to a man who dresses up as an Ohio State Cowboy. But Buck-I-Guy knows where his bread is buttered, so he tried his damnedest to stick to sports.
And really, would you want to know the political ideology of a man who charges people to appear at parties while dressed as some weird version of Randy Savage? No thank you.
In between the political topics are ideas that Gallagher wants to promote, with my favorite being the Family Reunion Center. It is a difficult concept for our feeble non-melon-smashing brains to process, but from what I gathered, he wants to have families meet in bathrooms in Ohio Stadium, which is weird because that’s exactly what my family does at every OSU game.
The goal of this is to keep children out of gangs and other types of mischief. If they are in a bathroom, they’re off the streets. Can’t argue with that logic. He is so sold on this idea that he firmly believes that Ohio State will honor him on the field at the first home game. Does Gallagher dot the i? Sadly no.
He calls up President Gordon Gee, who doesn’t answer, but there is one man standing tall in his corner and believes it is a great idea: Buck-I-Guy.
In fact, Buck-I-Guy loves every single idea Gallagher has.
Easily the funniest part of the video is when Gallagher promotes the idea of creating a website that allows old people to record messages to give advice to younger people. You know, sprinkle some seeds and hope they take root with these millennials. These videos and messages will stay up forever. After the next Mark Zuckerberg describes his vision, Buck-I-Guy chimes in, “isn’t that Facebook?”
I reached out to Gallagher’s team about this concept, but they have not yet gotten back to me.
“You’re a acting like a unique person that wants attention and wants to be a leader.” — Gallagher
As the interview goes on, the intensity rises like the Big Nut when the light on the camera flicks on. At one point, Gallagher calls Buck-I-Guy “un-American” and “a communist” for not expressing his views. GET EM’ GALLAGHER!
The attacks keep coming, which can only be described as surreal for Ohio State fans who have seen this man on TV for well over the last decade.
Buck-I-Guy has always been a controversial figure. Many can’t stand him because they feel he tries to make everything about him and is so self-absorbed in his own personality that he doesn’t really care about the team. As long as he gets a photograph and a paycheck to appear at a party, he is content.
“I am very happy who I am who is in this skin.” — Buck-I-Guy
It’s hard to argue with that when you see him walking around with an action figure of himself. As one does.
But there are others who see him as a positive symbol of Ohio State sports. He is always there cheering for the team with a smile on his face and never turns away his “fans.” Throughout this interview, Gallagher does hit on some points that make you side with the destroyer of fruits, no matter how brutal they might be.
“You want to ride on everyone’s wagon. You are the laziest guy I’ve ever met. Then you come in and want the credit.” — Gallagher
When he said the “you want to ride on everyone’s wagon” line, I gasped. It hit me that that sentence was Buck-I-Guy to a T. The image of the superfan is nothing new and it isn’t a rare concept. God knows Ohio State has its fair share of super fans, but we aren’t the only ones in the country and they won’t be the last. His image is that of laziness. At least the Big Nut puts on face paint. I’m sure he has to wake up early every morning to put that face on.
Putting on a cowboy hat and a cape isn’t creative, yet he tries to create the belief that it is. He tries to convince you his gimmick is something special.
But at the same time, Gallagher falls under the same sins he condemns.
I have never seen a Gallagher standup routine, but I know he smashes melons. He tells jokes and smashes melons. That’s it. One could argue that it is a very lazy approach to comedy, and it is.
“I looked at this world and realized no one is having fun in these theaters,” he said. “I said, ‘If you splash food, people will have fun with that.'”
So when you approach Gallagher about his craft, he will proclaim that he changed the face of comedy. He has done this in many interviews and no, it is not part of the act. He views himself as a crusader who brought family fun, goodness, and purity to an impure profession.
Gallagher is a lazy guy who comes along and wants all the credit.
At the end of the video he marched off in defeat, frustrated by the presence of Buck-I-Guy.
Even though they are completely different, they are one and the same. The two have an ego-complex that pains them and the only way it can be healed is through their own form of self-promotion.
I will say this about Buck-I-Guy: Gallagher crossed the line several times, and he kept his cool.
But if the cameras were off and they were no longer on air, you might have had a different story, which perfectly encapsulates the man in the cape.