If you are an Ohio State fan, you just watched your team beat its bitter rival to end the regular season as Big Ten East champions.
But it’s better than that. You just watched them pull off an upset of those bitter rivals, crushing their conference and national championship dreams all in one neat four-hour package.
But it’s even better than that. Because they didn’t just beat those rivals to crush their dreams. They handed what was advertised as the best defense in the nation, the single worst beating Michigan had absorbed in 139 years of playing football.
Back in 1891, Cornell hung 58 points on the Wolverines. Until Saturday, no one had done better in a regulation football game.
The last time someone beat on Michigan’s defense that badly, airplanes didn’t exist. Cars were barely a thing. The Civil War had ended less than 30 years earlier.
And then, on Saturday, there you were. Watching Ohio State defiling Michigan in a way that literally no one else in history had ever done before. Plus, you have a car and an iPhone and aren’t likely to die from some Oregon Trail-era disease like Dystentary.
So how on earth could life possibly get any better for you, dear Buckeye fan?
Well, friends, what if I told you that someone had helpfully assembled a highlight video of Saturday’s avalanche of touchdowns, and done it with the soundtrack of Michigan’s radio announcers slowly losing the will to live?
Would that be something you would be interested in?
Yeah, I kind of thought so.
And don’t worry – after three minutes of searching Web MD, it does not appear that Schadenfreude Overdose is a real medical condition.