This college football season is already flying by. Before we know it, Michigan will have three losses and the leaves won’t even be changing colors yet.
There are only two matchups between ranked opponents this week, so people are trying to hate on the schedule. Those people can go eat worms. We’re still getting a weekend of college football and we should be appreciative of what we have been waiting so long to receive.
Let’s not get tired of it and complacent until at least week six. You just look spoiled complaining this early. It’s poor form.
Anyway, this is the fourth paragraph of my intro, but it’s still a bit short.
Two more should do it.
There we go.
Friday September 7
Teams: #16 TCU (1-0) at SMU (0-1)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: TCU
You will be scouting TCU in preparation for next week’s game. You will take copious notes on what you see. You will devise a winning game plan using your Star Wars guys as football players. You will record each of the plays using painstaking stop motion. You will then turn the tape over to Ryan Day. Day will tell you, “Thanks, but it’s February. Stop motion has been obsolete in game planning since the ‘30s because of how damn long it takes.” You will then ask what he thought anyway and he’ll tell you that the lighting was off, but Darth Vader as Dwayne Haskins was a nice touch. TCU is favored by 22.5. SMU is not very good. The Horned Frogs should be just fine.
TCU 44 – SMU 13
Saturday September 8
Teams: #18 Mississippi State (1-0) at Kansas State (1-0)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Kansas State
One of the reasons SEC teams are so reticent to play games on the road outside of the conference footprint is because it gives their players a chance to see cities, and that’s not great for recruiting. It’s like how the Cuban baseball program always had to have security during international play because they didn’t want players defecting. The danger here for Mississippi State isn’t necessarily defection, but more along the lines of distraction. Manhattan, Kansas has a movie theater and a restaurant with an all-day salad bar. Good luck keeping players from Starkville, Mississippi focused while being surrounded by such decadence. Bulldogs quarterback Nick Fitzgerald returns this week after a 1-game suspension last week. Kansas State had to come from behind to beat South Dakota last week. Mississippi State is a 9-point favorite. This one might not be eye pleasing.
Mississippi State 29 – Kansas State 16
Teams: Western Michigan (0-1) at #21 Michigan (0-1)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (FS1)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Michigan
Notre Dame tried to lose to Michigan the entire second half last week, but the Wolverines were too proud to take such charity. That’s the way they’ve always been. When the government tried to give then-Michigan coach Bennie Oosterbaan the cure for polio, he told them that he wouldn’t accept “the easy way out,” coining Michigan’s famous saying, “Those who stay will be quarantined.” Oosterbaan’s athletic director — Fritz Crisler — later convinced him that it would be in the best interest of everyone if the players were inoculated. Oosterbaan relented, but only for the starters. He felt that if the backups wanted vaccinations, they would work that much harder to get into the starting lineup. He was a master of psychology, but a very, very cold man and a really terrible practitioner of common sense. Michigan will be looking to bounce back from a 7-point loss on the road at Notre Dame, which isn’t that big of a killer. I expect the Wolverines to look fine in this one, but don’t expect anybody to be convinced that it means anything.
Michigan 38 – Western Michigan 7
Teams: Duke (1-0) at Northwestern (1-0)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPNU)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Northwestern
It’s the annual Nerd Bowl featuring two teams full of nerds. I wonder if Stanford is going to be jealous. Meanwhile, nobody returns Michigan’s calls. (By the way, there is nothing wrong with being a nerd, unless you’re a poser nerd. We don’t want to hear about you hanging with the cool kids on Friday and Saturday night only to show up to Slotcar Sundays pretending to talk about what you watched on TV last night. Like, can you even name Frodo’s group of friends? I doubt it.) Duke got the win last year 41-17 at home, but Northwestern won the two before that. Can the Blue Devils even up the series? Northwestern quarterback Clayton Thorson split reps last week, and if he responded well this week he should see even more snaps against Duke. Running back Jeremy Larkin gives Thorson somebody to rely on.
Northwestern 31 – Duke 23
Teams: New Mexico (1-0) at #5 Wisconsin (1-0)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Wisconsin
People may not realize this, but Paul Chryst asked Barry Alvarez to schedule New Mexico because he’s such a huge fan of Breaking Bad, which took place in Albuquerque. When he and Lobos coach Bob Davie meet at midfield before the game, he is going to bombard Davie with questions about a show I am completely sure he knows nothing about. Chryst loves TV. Hell, the only reason he took the job at Wisconsin was because of Happy Days. While some coaches choose to stay out of scheduling, Chryst gives his input based on his favorite TV shows. Look no further than the home-and-home with Hawaii in 2022 and 2024. Why Hawaii? You guessed it — he’s a huge Magnum P.I. fan. He even gets into the cosplay aspect of it every May at the Milwaukee Comic-Con. He even named his two Yorkies “Zeus” and “Apollo.” As of this writing, he is still trying to get a road game at San Diego State scheduled because he wants to visit the Three’s Company apartment as well as the Regal Beagle.
Wisconsin 48 – New Mexico 0
Teams: Eastern Michigan (1-0) at Purdue (0-1)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Purdue
Purdue should be 1-0 but their best defensive player cost them the season opener at Northwestern. They’ll bounce back this week against an Eastern Michigan team that opened the year with a 51-17 win over Monmouth. I’m a fan of Boilers coach Jeff Brohm, who will do great things eventually at the University of Michigan. Until then, he will pound on the directional schools in the state up north so that they understand who is the boss when he finally arrives.
Purdue 51 – Eastern Michigan 17
Teams: UCLA (0-1) at #6 Oklahoma (1-0)
Time (TV): 1:00 pm (FOX)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: UCLA
Cincinnati spoiled Chip Kelly’s debut last week, but it wasn’t entirely Chip’s fault. He lost starting quarterback Wilton Speight to an injury, which then forced true freshman quarterback Dorian Thompson-Robinson into the game. DTR was Tate Martell’s backup at Bishop Gorman and only started at quarterback one year in high school. Last week in his Bruins debut he completed 15-of-25 passes for just 117 yards. Still, his 4.7 yards per attempt were considerably better than Speight’s 3.8 in his 12 pass attempts. DTR didn’t get to show his running ability much, but he can move and keep plays alive. Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray does it better, however, and the Sooner offense is going to have too much for a UCLA defense that didn’t actually do too bad last week. The Sooners are favored by 30.5 points, if that gives you an idea of the magnitude of this mismatch.
Oklahoma 45 – UCLA 10
Teams: Colorado (1-0) at Nebraska (0-0)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Nebraska
Screw it, I was going to make this about a 3.5 or a 4 in terms of interest, but this is Scott Frost’s debut and it’s happening at home against an old school Big 8 opponent. This is awesome. Nebraska’s game was canceled last week because of weather. The two teams were going to play on Sunday, but there weren’t enough hotel rooms available in the area for the teams. Seriously. The Huskers are favored by 3.5 points against a Colorado team that defeated in-state Colorado State 45-13 last week. Buffs quarterback Steven Montez has thrown for at least 338 yards in four of his last five games, so the Huskers are going to have to be prepared for a shootout. The Nebraska defense will be better than it was last year when it allowed 36.4 points per game, but that’s not saying much. I don’t think the Huskers are better than Colorado right now, but I feel like the emotions involved will carry Nebraska through this one.
Nebraska 31 – Colorado 27
Teams: #3 Georgia (1-0) at #24 South Carolina (1-0)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: South Carolina
This is one of two matchups between ranked opponents, but South Carolina is only fake ranked. They could be real ranked with a win in this one. Georgia is favored by 10 points. Gamecocks head coach Will Muschamp is looking for the first signature win in his career, unless you consider the 24-21 win over No. 18 Tennessee in 2016 to be “signature.” In the last two seasons, South Carolina has faced three mighty SEC teams that finished ranked at the end of the season. That’s the same number of ACC teams they have faced that were ranked at the end of the season as well. The Gamecocks have gone from three wins in 2015, to six in 2016, to nine in 2017. If they are going to get to 12 this year, the road starts now.
South Carolina 23 – Georgia 20
Teams: Rutgers (1-0) at #4 Ohio State (1-0)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (BTN)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Ohio State
You are cheering for Ohio State here even though a Rutgers loss hurts the Buckeyes’ strength of schedule. The Ohio State defense will be facing a true freshman quarterback in Art Sitkowski. He threw three interceptions last week and could have thrown at least three more if the Texas State was a smidge better. Statistically, Rutgers is the best defense in the Big Ten, allowing just 69 yards rushing and 100 yards passing per game this season. Can the Ohio State offense, which is averaging over 700 yards per game, possibly compete with such a stifling week-in, week-out defense? Probably. Expect at least another four touchdown passes for Dwayne Haskins.
Teams: Iowa State at Iowa (1-0)
Time (TV): 5:00 pm (FOX)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Iowa
Iowa State’s season opener against South Dakota State last week was canceled due to weather, so opening against in-state rival Iowa is a tall task. The Hawkeyes, who are coming off of a 33-7 win over Northern Illinois, are a 3.5-point favorite. Iowa ran the ball well, but quarterback Nate Stanley struggled, completing 11-of-23 passes for 108 yards with a touchdown and an interception. Based on what I have seen from Iowa over the last 11 months or so, they are one of the best teams in the country and it’s really damn hard to beat them in Iowa City.
Iowa 30 – Iowa State 24
Teams: Maryland (1-0) at Bowling Green (0-1)
Time (TV): 6:00 pm (ESPN+)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Maryland
The Terps took it to Texas once again, which was a surprise given everything going on with the program right now. Maryland travels this week to Bowling Green, and provided they get out of their Euchre tournaments on time, they should have no problem with the Falcons.
Maryland 52 – Bowling Green 24
Teams: #2 Clemson (1-0) at Texas A&M (1-0)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Texas A&M
This right here is the matchup of the week. Clemson is a 12-point favorite, but this is a game that Texas A&M and old foe Jimbo Fisher have been pointing towards since he arrived in College Station. The Aggies opened early last week on Thursday against Northwestern State, which means they’ve had two extra days to get ready for this game. This could be the start of Clemson’s quarterback controversy if the offense struggles under starter Kelly Bryant. Texas A&M rushed for 503 yards last week, which is a fake number because of their opponent, but if they can run the ball on Clemson, then they can win this game. Sophomore quarterback Kellen Mond completed 17-of-25 passes for 184 yards and two touchdowns last week. He will have to make more plays than he did a week ago, which is going to be nearly impossible with Clemson’s defensive line. I’ll go with the Tigers’ defense, but they’ve lost games as favorites each of the last two years. This could be three years in a row.
Clemson 34 – Texas A&M 17
Teams: Fresno State (1-0) at Minnesota (1-0)
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (FS1)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Minnesota
The Gophers are a two-point favorite at home to a Fresno State team that beat Idaho 79-13 last week. Despite the lofty point total, the Bulldogs’ 486 yards of total offense doesn’t exactly match up. The reason for that is the five interceptions that Idaho threw and the two fumbles that they lost. If Minnesota can avoid seven turnovers this week, perhaps they can keep Fresno State in the high 30s. Coincidentally, the high 30s will also be the kickoff temperature. That’s not true, but it will be soon. Gopher freshman starting quarterback Zach Annexstad completed 16-of-33 passes for 220 yards and two touchdowns last week in a 48-10 win over New Mexico State. It wasn’t an outstanding day, but it was pretty darn good for a true freshman. This game will be a step up for both teams.
Fresno State 33 – Minnesota 27
Teams: Virginia (1-0) at Indiana (1-0)
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Indiana
Indiana is favored by six points, which says more than I ever could about this game. I’ve been working on this Tip Sheet for about seven hours now and I am completely spent. I’m done. I’m over it. I’m just one person. Yes, my analysis can compare to anybody else’s — even those computers with logorhythms or whatever they’re called. Well guess what — I’m a human logorythm! You want analysis, you got it! Indiana won last week against a team that I forget and Virginia won against a team that I don’t who they were playing. Take that, stupid computers!
Indiana 23 – Virginia 20
Teams: Western Illinois (0-1) at Illinois (1-0)
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Illinois
Illinois trailed Kent State 17-3 at the half last week. There is no joke that I can write here to top that. The Illini did come back and win the game 31-24 on the legs of quarterback A.J. Bush, who rushed for 139 yards and threw for 190 yards. The best news I can tell you about this game is that it’s going to be on the alternate Big Ten Network channel, so it will be easier to avoid if you want. I’m not even completely sure this is a real game. “Western Illinois” feels like an Illinois burner account to me.
Illinois 38 – Western Illinois 20
Teams: #13 Penn State (1-0) at Pittsburgh (1-0)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Penn State
I know you won’t be rooting for Penn State, but you should. Not only is James Franklin classy, but he would probably buy you a drink if he saw you sobbing at the bar. Of course, he doesn’t frequent that bar, so he wouldn’t know that that’s your go-to move when you’re out of cash. Some people buy you drinks just to get some peace. What is it like living without shame? I imagine it has to be freeing. This is the 99th meeting between Penn State and Pittsburgh, and the third year in a row the rivalry has been renewed. They have traded home wins the last two outings, which means it is Pitt’s turn this year. The Panthers are an 8.5-point underdog. They are 2-7 in their last nine games as a home underdog, but they won their last such outing 24-14 at the end of the season against a somehow-ranked No. 2 Miami Hurricanes. Pitt has beaten a Top 5 team each of the past two seasons.
Penn State 35 – Pittsburgh 27
Teams: #17 USC (1-0) at #10 Stanford (1-0)
Time (TV): 8:30 pm (FOX)
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Stanford
You’re cheering for Stanford because USC’s schedule is easier than Stanford’s and there’s no way the Cardinal are going undefeated — or even 12-1. This is one of only two matchups between ranked opponents this week, but since it’s the Pac 12, it doesn’t even really count. USC freshman quarterback J.T. Daniels should still be in high school, but he’s all the rage. He completed 22-of-35 passes for 282 yards and a touchdown last week against UNLV. Clearly, Stanford will be a step up for him. Can Daniels win on the road in an oddly passive environment like Stanford Stadium? Will the quiet spook him? Like when you’re walking around in the woods, but then all of the animals and crickets go silent and you know then that a predator is hunting you? I don’t expect him to be bothered by it. He’s played in plenty of high school stadiums, so he knows what a Stanford crowd is like.
Stanford 24 – USC 20
Teams: #15 Michigan State (1-0) at Arizona State (1-0)
Time (TV): 10:45 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Michigan State
Sparty versus Sparky. I’ll be getting home to watch the fourth quarter of this game following the two weather delays during the Ohio State game this weekend. Michigan State is favored by six points, but that might be a stretch considering the way they struggled in their 38-31 win over Utah State last week. The Sun Devils had fewer problems with the less talented Texas-San Antonio, winning 49-7 in Herm Edwards’ debut. This is a huge game for both teams. Arizona State is looking to proclaim their legitimacy and Michigan State is hoping to avoid their annual September swoon. This should be a fun battle between two schools whose campuses are almost identical as long as they are being looked at from inside a dark closet.
Michigan State 34 – Arizona State 31 (Sorry Kyle)