We have now come to the point in every season (save for 2002 and 2012) when the Tip Sheet becomes the most valuable tool in the galaxy.
No, it doesn’t produce energy or feed people, but if you print it out you can use it as a level, provided you put a level on top of it.
The reason the Tip Sheet is so important now is because Ohio State suffered its customary first loss of the season last week, which makes each week from here on out more and more important. Now more than ever you need to know who to root for. You don’t want to be the cause of the Buckeyes missing the playoffs, which they are still very much alive for.
You may scoff, but the Ohio State defense is close.
Great, now you’re scoffing even more than before.
If you can hold back the scoffs for a few minutes, here is who you should be rooting for this week in order to help the Buckeyes get to the playoffs.
Friday October 26
Teams: Miami (5-2, 2-1) at Boston College (5-2, 2-1)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Boston College
I have never been a good fence builder and I have never hidden that secret. Heck, the title of my one-man play was, “My Fences Could Probably Be Better.” But that doesn’t mean when I’m building a fence that I need you to tell me that it sucks and that my fence “wouldn’t even keep other fences out.” What does that even mean? Look, we all didn’t get to go to a prestigious fence-building college, okay? Some of us only have a high school fence-building education. There’s nothing wrong with being self-taught. That how I also learn writing Elngish. And no, I will never forgive you for convincing me that the first fence I ever built was “inside out.”
Miami 34 – Boston College 30
Teams: Indiana (4-4, 1-4) at Minnesota (3-4, 0-4)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (FS1)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Indiana
There aren’t a lot of things to do in Minnesota on a Friday night since the state banned bowling alleys back in 2001, but that’s what happens when you elect a governor whose pool hall franchise was put out of business by bowling alleys back in the early 80s. Sure, there are some speakeasies where you can still bowl, but they have to keep the noise down. It’s terrible — everything is cushioned and you’re not allowed to fight, and at that point why even bother bowling?
Indiana 28 – Minnesota 24
Saturday October 27
Teams: #2 Clemson (7-0, 4-0) at Florida State (4-3, 2-3)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 4.5
Cheer For: Florida State
Florida State has not had the season they wanted to coming into 2018, but that can all change with a win over Clemson. Head coach Willie Taggart would finally be embraced by the FSU fans and he can begin the healing process from all of the people he hurt when he arrived and it turned out that he wasn’t Jimbo Fisher. You want Clemson to lose here, and not just because when you were seven years old you told your teacher than you liked her Clemson sweater and she told you to get lost and that, “You’d never get into Clemson with your terrible cursive.” And so you spent the next decade perfecting your cursive skills. When you sat down to take the SAT, however, the free-flowing muscle memory that was as much a part of your wrist now as your hand betrayed you when it came to filling in the circles next to the corresponding answer. It was like asking a maestro to conduct Chopsticks. You were completely unable to stay within the confines of such a tiny circle and your cursive flourishes actually invaded other circles, rendering your test invalid and marking you as a cheat. You were escorted out by police and a proctor even kicked you in the stomach. But damn, can you write a good-looking letter about how you didn’t get into college.
Clemson 45 – Florida State 17
Teams: #20 Wisconsin (5-2, 3-1) at Northwestern (4-3, 4-1)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (FOX)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Wisconsin
You are cheering for Wisconsin because whoever the Buckeyes play in the Big Ten Championship Game — in your dreams or in reality — needs to have as many wins as possible. Since this isn’t a great opponent for the Badgers, expect quarterback Alex Hornibrook to be okay. While it would be funny to watch Northwestern win, it does Ohio State no good. It’s like watching people slip and fall on ice. Is it the best thing ever? Yes. Would we watch an entire television network devoted to this? Of course. If your spouse asks you to please stop watching that channel because they need help finding the children, do you stop? Maybe. But does any of this help Ohio State’s playoff chances? No, it does not. Unless, of course, when the kids went missing the Buckeyes started playing better. At that point you may choose not to look for them. After all, you don’t want to jinx anything.
Wisconsin 24 – Northwestern 16
Teams: Texas Tech (5-2, 3-1) at Iowa State (3-3, 2-2)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Iowa State
Texas Tech and Iowa State may not play for a trophy, but they do play for bragging rights, which are even more binding than any trophy could ever be. Lawyers get involved and following the game each member of the losing team has to sign away all bragging rights until the next game. That’s all bragging, not just bragging about this game. For instance, if a player gets an ‘A’ on an exam, he has to be very humble about it. Or if he rushes for 240 yards against the Longhorns, his humility must shine through. If any player on the losing team is found bragging, they can be jailed for up to 60 days. The only day a losing player can brag safely is the day of the game, so on those days they spend every morning telling people how great they are. It is incessant and annoying. They tell you that they are the best at this or that and that nobody compares to them. The closest thing that I can equate it to is that it’s like your average episode of College Gameday when they talk about the SEC.
Iowa State 44 – Texas Tech 34
Teams: Purdue (4-3, 3-1) at Michigan State (4-3, 2-2)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Purdue
At this point, you want Purdue in the Big Ten Championship Game, even if the Buckeyes have to play them again. The good news is that it looks like Michigan State quarterback Brian Lewerke won’t be playing due to an injured shoulder. While we tend to be a little lighthearted with the Tip Sheet, I want to set that aside for a moment in order to talk about what is going on this weekend in East Lansing. Saturday will mark the 100th anniversary of the official end of the Great Potato Chip Famine. During World War I, potato chips were no longer produced because the military needed the potatoes to feed the troops. With the end of World War I in late 1918, however, potato chips could once again be produced for consumer needs. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. Nearly 9% of Michigan’s population succumbed to starvation during the Great War. Not because there wasn’t enough food, but because they didn’t want to live in a world without potato chips.
Purdue 28 – Michigan State 27
Teams: Bethune-Cookman (4-4) at Nebraska (1-6, 1-4)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Nebraska
You can watch this and get an idea of what Nebraska is going to look like next Saturday. And the sad part is that Bethune-Cookman’s running game will give you a pretty good idea of what the Buckeyes will be able to do as well.
Nebraska 42 – Bethune-Cookman 24
Teams: #9 Florida (6-1, 4-1) vs. #7 Georgia (6-1, 4-1) (Jacksonville, FL)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Georgia
The winner of this game is likely going to win out, at least until they lose to Alabama in the SEC Championship Game by four touchdowns. I’ve decided that you should root for Georgia because they have more of a chance to beat Alabama than Florida does. None of this may have an effect on Ohio State’s playoff chances, but I can’t just throw away these game capsules as if they’re meaningless. Both teams have had a week off to prepare for this game, which is played in Jacksonville instead of on campus. They don’t want anybody having a home-field advantage in this game, and as anybody who lives in Jacksonville can tell you, there is no advantage to having a home there. I’m surprised they don’t find a way to just cancel this game altogether and call it a win for both teams.
Georgia 27 – Florida 20
Teams: Kansas State (3-4, 1-3) at #8 Oklahoma (6-1, 3-1)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (FOX)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Kansas State
You are cheering for Kansas State because you love butterscotch candies and you also would like to see Oklahoma lose. I don’t know if you should be super-concerned about the Big XII knocking the Buckeyes out of the playoffs because I can still go back and show the committee that Maryland beat Texas this year and Texas beat Oklahoma. Of course, this argument goes down in flames if the Buckeyes lose next month in Gaithersburg or Cumberland or wherever the hell Maryland plays their games. KSU head coach Bill Snyder is now in the 10th year of his second term with the Wildcats. Snyder famously stepped away following the 2005 season to live out his dream of hosting a smutty daytime talk show that revealed DNA results for women who weren’t sure who the father of their children were. Snyder’s catchphrase of “That’s hot” when people told their sordid tales took the nation by storm. Unfortunately, the show only lasted three seasons, so he was forced to return to his fallback plan of coaching Kansas State.
Oklahoma 48 – Kansas State 27
Teams: #18 Iowa (6-1, 3-1) at #17 Penn State (5-2, 2-2)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Penn State
I don’t really know who you should cheer for here. You could cheer for Iowa so Penn State gets their third conference loss and eliminates them from muddying up the waters. Or maybe you might want those waters muddied, provided two teams other than Ohio State beat the Wolverines. Can the Buckeyes still make the Big Ten Championship Game with a loss to Michigan? Maybe, but it would require some other crazy shenanigans that I’m not at liberty to spend time on right now. Rooting for Penn State is also helpful because it will remain a quality win for the Buckeyes. If they lose this one, they will have three losses in conference play before they head to Michigan next week.
Penn State 20 – Iowa 16
Teams: #21 South Florida (7-0, 3-0) at Houston (6-1, 3-0)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC/ESPN2)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Houston
I am only putting this game here because USF is technically undefeated, but nobody really respects it. Or at least that is what the radio told me this week. The radio tells me lots of things. Many of which I take to heart. For instance, I bought gutter toppers and I don’t even have gutters. Better to have gutter toppers and not need them than to need them and not have them, that’s what my grandfather always used to say to me. (He was a gutter topper salesman.)
Houston 34 – USF 24
Teams: Illinois (3-4, 1-3) at Maryland (4-3, 2-2)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (BTN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Maryland
I might be drunk enough at this point on Saturday to watch this game. If I am, I should probably pre-dial “9-1…” and then leave my phone handy. This will be a great opportunity for you to scout Maryland and see what a truly awful passing game looks like. Actually, you will be able to see that with Illinois too. The Buckeyes (3,070 yards passing) have thrown for three times as many yards as Illinois and four times as many as Maryland. But to be fair, the Illini and the Terps have only played seven games, compared to Ohio State’s eight games. Maryland has one of the best pass defenses in the Big Ten, so don’t expect much from Illinois through the air. They will have to get it on the ground, but the Terps aren’t too bad there either.
Maryland 28 – Illinois 17
Teams: #12 Kentucky (6-1, 4-1) at Missouri (4-3, 0-3)
Time (TV): 4:00 pm (SECN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Missouri
Kentucky’s playoff chances are still HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… sorry, I tried. While Kentucky and Missouri haven’t been conference rivals very long, this is still quite a heated rivalry. When Mizzou joined the league, the SEC was trying to find ways to make this an important game to both schools. They had all kinds of ideas. The first idea was that the winner would get a rare Dukes of Hazzard box set signed by James Best and Sorrell Booke, but Missouri vetoed that idea because they knew Kentucky would never give it back if they won it. Ultimately they decided to play for Waffle House coupons, which is technically an NCAA violation, but since it’s the SEC nobody cares.
Missouri 37 – Kentucky 31
Teams: #14 Washington State (6-1, 3-1) at #24 Stanford (5-2, 3-1)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (P12N)
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Stanford
Washington State is the last hope for the Pac 12, so expect some heinous actions from the conference refs in this one. Stanford is favored by 2.5 points, but the Cougs have won the last two. This is one of the biggest games of the Pac 12 conference season, but since it’s on the Pac 12 Network, almost nobody will see it. Hell, who are we kidding. It could be on ABC and people are still going to choose to watch something else. Pac 12 football isn’t good until at least 10:30 pm. You know the saying about nothing good happens after 10? That’s not entirely accurate.
Washington State 35 – Stanford 31
Teams: #22 North Carolina State (5-1, 2-1) at Syracuse (5-2, 2-2)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Syracuse
North Carolina State still has playoff hopes, but they are slim and you can see their ribs. I know it doesn’t look like it, but this might be a pretty entertaining game. The over/under is 66.5 and NC State is a 2-point favorite, which means Vegas is looking for a game in the 30s for both teams. Syracuse has a quarterback issue going on, but Dino Babers’ offense should be able to have success against a Wolfpack defense that has allowed at least 20 points in each of their last four games.
Syracuse 34 – North Carolina State 31
Teams: Tennessee (3-4, 1-3) at South Carolina (3-3, 2-3)
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (SECN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: South Carolina
While everybody knows that the University of Tennessee was created in large part by the Tennessee Valley Authority in 1937, what people don’t know is that rather than throw out the leftover parts from the building of the University of Tennessee, the TVA also decided to create the University of South Carolina. Silas Walton, the governor of South Carolina at the time, was appalled at the insistence of bringing education to his state and also appalled at it coming from leftover parts. While campaigning against allowing colleges into his state, he famously said, “Giving us a college from spare parts is like feeding us sandwiches of bread crusts and bologna rinds.” That then also got him into trouble with the people of Alabama for insulting their state sandwich. Walton’s campaigning actually worked, at least for a while. Eventually, however, South Carolinians would learn of the benefits of what they had been missing out on and they quickly became fans of Alabama’s state sandwich. It wasn’t until Walton died in office in 1974 that colleges were finally permitted in the state of South Carolina. And even then, only fallback schools like the University of South Carolina and Clemson were allowed.
South Carolina 26 – Tennessee 17
Teams: #3 Notre Dame (7-0) vs. Navy (2-5) (San Diego, CA)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (CBS)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Navy
You are rooting against Notre Dame because you are an American, and I would say that regardless of who they were playing this week. Navy has only beaten the Irish once this decade, but that didn’t stop Notre Dame from wanting to play the Middies as far away from Annapolis as our borders would allow. The Irish defense has done fairly well against the run this year, allowing 126.1 yards rushing per game. Wake Forest put 259 yards on them, however, which makes me think that Navy could have some success in this one. Not enough to win, however.
Notre Dame 38 – Navy 21
Teams: #6 Texas (6-1, 4-0) at Oklahoma State (4-3, 1-3)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Oklahoma State
You are cheering against Texas because you want the Longhorns to have another loss because you think Tom Herman tried to get Urban Meyer fired. You’re also still not over the 2013 Big Ten Championship Game. There’s probably a lot of other deep-rooted issues you have with the Hermans that you don’t even know about. That’s where the therapy will come in handy. At least for a while. Just remember, if you ever need to talk — about anything — my email is TomOrr -at- gmail-dot-com.
Texas 31 – Oklahoma State 27