If Ohio State wins this weekend, which they could very well do if everything goes perfectly for them, then the Buckeyes will move up a few spots in the College Football Playoff rankings.
Teams ahead of them are going to lose this weekend, I can feel it in my bones.
Now that the Buckeyes have a loss, your rooting strategy must alter a little bit. I will try to explain as we go along. If my explanations aren’t clear enough for you it’s because you don’t understand them.
Saturday November 3
Teams: Louisville (2-6, 0-5) at #2 Clemson (8-0, 5-0)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Louisville
You are a Louisville fan this weekend, which means that it is now basketball season. You are already fantasizing about Jeff Brohm taking over your program, but since you brought Bobby Petrino back, you should have to suffer with him for a little while longer. Clemson is favored by 39.5 points and they can name the score here. Being a South Carolina school, however, they’d probably name it Cletus.
Clemson 56 – Louisville 14
Teams: Nebraska (2-6, 1-4) at #10 Ohio State (7-1, 4-1)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (FOX)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Ohio State
You are cheering for Ohio State because on the day you were born, a star shined down upon you and tapped you with both grace and anxiety. Over the years, those two traits turned you into the bitter monster that you have become. Will your anger come through Saturday during this game? Yes. At times your rage will burn with jet fuel fire, but other times it will only burn like a normal fuel fire. Ohio State’s defense is supposed to be fixed, but I don’t know if anybody believes it. This game will give us an idea of just how fixed things are. The other area to watch will be the OSU running game. If nothing is fixed, then just light a match and call it a year.
Ohio State 38 – Nebraska 27
Teams: #20 Texas A&M (5-3, 3-2) at Auburn (5-3, 2-3)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Auburn
You are cheering for Auburn because Texas A&M lost to Clemson and you don’t need that win getting any better for the Tigers. The great thing about this game is that instead of playing football, these two teams are going to settle it in the old ways of the South. Texas A&M is going to insult Auburn’s dog and then the two teams will have fistfights until the sun tea is deemed sweet enough to drink. Whoever has the most men standing when the tea is ready will be declared the winner.
Texas A&M 47 men standing – Auburn 38 men standing
Teams: Rutgers (1-7, 0-5) at Wisconsin (5-3, 3-2)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Wisconsin
You are cheering for Wisconsin because, let’s face it, cheering for Rutgers is not what we thought our lives would come to. Our plans to become a space spy who steals the plans to Russia’s secret moon rocket are still very much in play. We also have other aspirations that we’re not ready to give up on (inventing the Gatling gun stapler, a gum you can eat) and there’s really just no coming back from rooting for Rutgers. You can’t get that stink off with a thousand tomato juice baths.
Wisconsin 42 – Rutgers 7
Teams: #6 Georgia (7-1, 5-1) at #9 Kentucky (7-1, 5-1)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Kentucky
I guess this is how we are going to operate moving forward — the plan is to keep Alabama undefeated and eliminate all other SEC possibilities. Georgia losing here will knock them out, and then Kentucky will get knocked out in the SEC Championship Game, which they would hilariously play in. The other thought would be to root for Georgia because they have a better shot of beating Alabama, but if they did beat Alabama, the committee would forgive Bama for the loss since it came against such a good team. (Because you have to be pretty damn good to beat Alabama.) So, even though nobody is actually going to root for Alabama or for anything good to happen to Alabama, at this point it’s in the best interest of OSU making the playoffs. Now, if you want talk about OSU’s best interests in terms of winning the playoffs, then you’ll want to figure out any way possible for Alabama to be left behind. And that, of course, starts this week at LSU. Georgia is favored by nine, but they sure seem vulnerable here.
Georgia 24 – Kentucky 20
Teams: #13 West Virginia (6-1, 4-1) at #17 Texas (6-2, 4-1)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (FOX)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Texas
You want West Virginia knocked out of playoff contention and you’d want an Oklahoma win over them to be less impactful. Also, as a guy who doesn’t believe in fuel, you abhor the state of West Virginia and the entire coal industry. “If moon power is good enough for the oceans, then it’s good enough for me,” you say.
West Virginia 31 – Texas 21
Teams: #16 Iowa (6-2, 3-2) at Purdue (4-4, 3-2)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Purdue
You are now a Purdue fan. You used to be an Ohio State fan, but then you saw how football was supposed to be played and you fell in love. You don’t quite know how to tell your family, and since you never did tell your kids about becoming a soccer fan, you can probably keep this from them as well. Purdue predictably lost last week after a big win over Ohio State. This is their first home game since the win over the Buckeyes, however, so expect them to come up big just like they did against OSU.
Iowa 27 – Purdue 26
Teams: Minnesota (4-4, 1-4) at Illinois (3-5, 1-4)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Minnesota
I bet when Neil Armstrong invented television he never expected it to be wasted on something like this. What a terrible legacy to leave behind.
Minnesota 30 – Illinois 27
Teams: #14 Penn State (6-2, 3-2) at #5 Michigan (7-1, 5-0)
Time (TV): 3:45 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Michigan
Here’s the thing, you can go ahead and root for Michigan to lose, but Ohio State will still need to beat them to win the Big Ten. So why not root for Michigan in order to give the Buckeyes a bigger win when the two teams meet in four weeks? Or, if you prefer, root for Penn State here and nearly-eliminate Michigan’s playoff hopes. Perhaps that will take some life out of them when they play the Buckeyes. Maybe that’s the way you should go. Ultimately, it won’t matter because Jim Harbaugh and the Wolverines are going to absolutely destroy Penn State. The Nittany Lion offense has nothing for Michigan and the UM offense will be more than capable of scoring whatever they need to win by multiple touchdowns.
Michigan 38 – Penn State 7
Teams: #4 Notre Dame (8-0) at Northwestern (5-3)
Time (TV): 7:15 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Northwestern
It has been an odd season for Notre Dame. After a slow start to the season with Brandon Wimbush at quarterback, Brian Kelly made the move to Ian Book. That move worked, but what has worked even better is the inclusion of running back Dexter Williams in the offense. He has rushed for at least 142 yards in three of his last four games this season — which happen to be the only four games he’s played in. Two games ago, however, Williams was held to just 31 yards on 13 carries by Pitt. If Northwestern can stop Williams in a similar manner, then they will have enough offense to get the win. But I can’t rely on Pat Fitzgerald to do anything, even if Brian Kelly might be able to help him here and there. If Notre Dame loses, they’re done. Root for done.
Notre Dame 34 – Northwestern 30
Teams: #1 Alabama (8-0, 5-0) at #3 LSU (7-1, 4-1)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (CBS)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: LSU
Here’s the thing, if Alabama loses, they will have likely just secured their spot in the College Football Playoffs. And they will have also opened a spot for LSU or Georgia. Now, you could argue that the only reason Bama was allowed in last year was because Ohio State had two losses, which is probably correct, in which case maybe you should just do what you’re gonna do anyway and root for Joe Burrow and LSU. I think I have convinced myself to convince you to do what you were gonna do anyway. I’m pretty persuasive. Burrow said this week that he’s not afraid of this game and neither am I. We’re a lot alike in that way. Alabama is favored by 14.5 and they are going to put LSU’s secondary to the test. If Burrow can pick up third downs and the LSU secondary lives up to the hype, then the Tigers can win this. At this point, however, picking against Alabama just seems like a desperate cry for attention.
Alabama 34 – LSU 24
Teams: #7 Oklahoma (7-1, 4-1) at Texas Tech (5-3, 3-2)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 4.5
Cheer For: Texas Tech
You’re cheering for Texas Tech because you like to go around town shooting your finger guns. Sure, it has robbed you of your ability to go into the bank, but you can do most of your banking via ATMs anymore. A Red Raider win here will end Oklahoma’s hopes for the playoffs, which keeps Ohio State’s hopes alive for at least another week. The Sooners are favored by 13.5 points. Tech’s best win this season was against Oklahoma State.
Oklahoma 48 – Texas Tech 31
Teams: Stanford (5-3, 3-2) at Washington (6-3, 4-2)
Time (TV): 9:00 pm (P12N)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Stanford
It doesn’t matter who wins this game. It is meaningless. The only reason I have included it in the Tip Sheet is because I’ve already deleted a bunch of other games. Look, it’s Friday night and I’ve been working on this for far too long when you consider how not great it has been. Also, props once again to Pac 12 commissioner Larry Scott for getting his conference’s most important games played on the conference’s secret network.
Washington 24 – Stanford 17
Teams: California (5-3, 2-3) at #8 Washington State (7-1, 4-1)
Time (TV): 10:45 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: California
Washington State is the Pac 12’s last gasp at a playoff spot, so you’ll be rooting against them with all of your might. If the Pac 12 gets eliminated, then that’s one less conference you’ll need to worry about when it comes to somebody taking the Buckeyes’ spot. Of course, it does then open up room for a third SEC team.
Washington State 38 – California 24