Football

OSU Superfan Persona Generator

Ohio State Football Buckeyes Fans

Last week, the Ohio State community came together to remember and honor former Buckeye head football coach Earle Bruce upon his passing.

An uplifting memorial at St. John Arena was attended by fans, players, and family alike. Almost none of them made this event about themselves.

The one who did, of course, is a noted Buckeye superfan who has a habit of making everything about himself.

It wasn’t a shock when he showed up to a public event in his full regalia, but what happened later in the day is what really had people fuming.

At a more private gathering featuring family, friends, and former players and coaches, this superfan showed up there as well to “pay his respects.”

The last straw, however, came when he signed a poster meant for just Earle’s former players and coaches.

A past Buckeye football player sent me the photo below, I tweeted it out, and then all Ohio heck broke loose.

Ironically, we’re one of the few outlets who cover the Buckeyes that didn’t write about this ordeal, which is admittedly bad business on my part. For those who crave attention, even negative attention can sometimes be satisfying, and I didn’t want to contribute anymore than I already had.

Players and family were upset about what the superfan did. Ohio State fans were upset as well. They even started a petition to keep the superfan out of Ohio State games moving forward.

I don’t know if that’s the route that needs to be taken here, but the desire for action by the fans was encouraging.

That’s why I think maybe it’s time for fans to take the power back.

If you want the television cameras to stop trying to find a particular superfan, don’t let him stand out in a crowd. You know why it’s so difficult to find Waldo? Because there are so many people around him who look the same as he does.

To put it another way, on a bus full of weirdos, it’s pretty damn difficult to stick out.

Maybe it’s time you be the bus.

Now, I’m not the type that just tells you what to do without knowing how to help you get there. I’m not Jim Harbaugh.

I have created a handy-dandy way to create your own Ohio State superfan persona. There’s not a lot of thought involved, but that’s actually for the best.

Basically, what you do to create your superfan persona is match up the first letter of your first name to the chart below. That’s the first part of your superfan persona. Then you match up the first letter of your last name to the four suffixical options below to get the second part of your new persona.

So, if your name is Bill Smith, your new superfan persona is “Little Nut.” What kind of outfit goes with that? I don’t know. Maybe a scarlet and gray Oompa Loompa outfit? Although at that point, you should probably just become Oompa Loompa Nut.

If your name is Quincy Williams, your new superfan persona is Sumo Woody, which is freaking awesome. And if you have a friend, maybe dress them up as a shredded yard marker.

If your name is Harry Williams and you’re not that tall, good news — your new persona is now Medium Woody!

There are over 100 different possibilities, so the chances of you running into the same persona in your section are slim.

And so what if you do? I think Section 21A is big enough for more than one Doctor Nut or Insane Buck. Remember, the key in all of this is to not stand out.

Muddying the superfan waters may be the way to wash Buckeye fans clean. If everyone is special, then nobody is special.

Then, and maybe only then, the television cameras will turn their all-seeing metal gaze back to where it belongs — the actual field of play.

5 Responses

  1. I am “President Buckeye.” My first Executive Order (Executive Order 11215) is to BAN the afore-un-mentioned super fan from all Ohio State events.

  2. I am heretofore known as “Little Buckeye”, which my wife, friends and doctor would find quite the amusing!!

  3. I ran into this “Super Fan” at the Tax Slayer bowl in Florida. I found him to be very rude and not a good representative of Buckeye Nation.

  4. Shifty Buck. Yeah I was pretty shifty in high school, now… not so much

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