The ball has dropped on 2020, so 2019 is now in the rear-view and over and dead and nobody cares about it anymore and there’s no point in talking about it because there are bigger and better things ahead for every single one of us and frankly 2019 was kind of a waste of time unless you were a replay official with no happiness in your home life and the only thing you had going for you was some feeling of football omnipotence one day a week with which to live out your miserable fantasies because nobody can stand to be around you in your civilian life.
But that was last year, and there is no point in looking back because darkness has no reflection.
With the new year here, it is time for new possibilities and new predictions.
(And probably a new job search for that replay official.)
This batch of predictions was written with very little forethought, which is how you know they’re good.
I don’t know if all of these predictions will come true, but they probably will. That’s just how my predictions end up. It’s a curse.
Feel free to keep track of these throughout the year because I have no need to.
Fifty College Football Predictions for 2020
1. Alabama will beat Michigan in today’s Citrus Bowl.
2. The halftime interview with Jim Harbaugh will be uncomfortable.
3. Jonathan Taylor will rush for at least 200 yards on Oregon’s stout Pac 12 defense.
4. LSU will beat Clemson for the 2019 College Football Playoffs National Championship.
5. Ohio State will be back in the playoffs.
6. Iowa State will win at Iowa.
7. Nebraska will go bowling.
8. Nebraska will also go to a bowl game.
9. Tua Tagovailoa will turn pro.
10. Texas A&M will finish ahead of LSU in the SEC standings.
11. Trevor Lawrence will appear in a shampoo commercial.
12. Rather than continuing to play a quarterback at quarterback and failing miserably, Maryland is going to go the Lynn Bowden route and put a wide receiver at quarterback.
13. USC players will save Clay Helton’s job late in the season because there is nothing new in Hollywood anymore.
14. During one of his press conferences, Mike Leach will spend at least three minutes on practical uses for a lightsaber.
15. Michigan still won’t have enough defensive linemen to hold up against the run.
14. Trevor Lawrence and Justin Fields will be involved in the closest Heisman vote ever.
15. Thanks to Oklahoma’s failure last weekend, Texas may not get the benefit of the doubt when the playoffs come calling.
16. Alabama will have two 1,000-yard rushers.
17. Rutgers will have three 200-yard rushers.
18. Notre Dame will win nine games in the regular season, with losses to Wisconsin, Clemson, and USC.
19. Replay will screw up again.
20. Targeting will continue to be a mystery to the experts.
21. Somebody will win the ACC Coastal without a win over a top 25 team.
22. Wisconsin will win the Big Ten West by two games (and with two conference losses).
23. The Miami (FL) at Michigan State game will feature at least 25 penalties.
24. Ian Book will once again lead Notre Dame to a dead end.
25. At least two quarterbacks will start for Michigan. (I’m not getting tricky and including Shea Patterson here.)
26. Wofford will go 0-4 in the SEC next year.
27. Clemson will make the playoffs.
28. Indiana will defeat Penn State.
29. Penn State linebacker Micah Parsons will finish in the Top 10 in the Heisman voting.
30. Ohio State will have a first-round corner on their roster.
31. Georgia will make the playoffs.
32. Michigan State’s offense will cause sadness throughout the world.
33. Purdue will lose a game in which they score 40 points.
34. Florida State will not be back.
35. Boston College will not go to a bowl game in Jeff Hafley’s first year.
36. Miami will continue to be the Michael Scott of college football.
37. North Carolina quarterback Sam Howell will post more passing yards and touchdowns than Trevor Lawrence. Again.
38. Some random Wisconsin running back will rush for 1,400 yards next year.
39. Rutgers will add more players via the transfer portal than any other team in the nation.
40. For the first time since 2014, Oklahoma will start a quarterback that they signed out of high school.
41. The Sooners will be back in the playoffs because who else is there.
42. Arizona State will win the Pac 12.
43. Cincinnati will make the New Years Six.
44. Ohio State will lead the nation in touchdown passes.
45. Rondale Moore will lead the nation in amazement.
46. Michigan will have four 500-yard rushers.
47. Lane Kiffin will piss off Nick Saban.
48. Alabama will lose at Tennessee.
49. Texas will lose at Kansas.
50. Justin Fields will win the Heisman.